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His hair had gotten wet, and he needed all of our opinions on whether it looked okay.“Go like this,” I said, leaning my head back so that the water pulled my long hair back behind me. “I don’t like it slicked back,” he said, ruffling his hair so that it wasn’t sticking to his head.
Anna Harrison is an international education specialist by day and a travel consultant by night.
She publishes blogs, travel advice, and itineraries for her clients at Travel Observations.
Relationships that taught me about overcoming conflict, setting boundaries, speaking up for what I wanted.
Relationships where I didn’t equate worthiness with self-denial, or desire with lack of interest.
I don’t know what it was that finally allowed me to cut Nathan loose.
I suspect it was just the passage of time, rather than any grand realization about myself and what I deserved. It took several more years — time spent pursuing men who showed no interest in me, and passing over the ones who did — for me to figure out what I’d been depriving myself of: good, healthy relationships.We bonded by gossiping about the few people we both knew from Orange County — including Nathan, who was still in our hometown at the local community college.“He told me he hooked up with a girl, but I don’t think he really did,” Tori told me one afternoon in the cafeteria.It would be a while more before I could fully unlearn those associations, ingrained in me since adolescence.I still believe in God, but I no longer believe in the definitions of love that I absorbed as a teenager, or that God was sending me messages that night at the church campout.Nathan was a lanky surfer type, with long knobby fingers that moved gracefully on a guitar, an effortless smile, and straight blond hair. It was also the thing that hooked me, along with his height.On a church trip that year, I joined five other girls surrounding him in a pool.I was the tallest girl in my grade at my suburban Orange County church, and taller than almost all of the boys.That is, until Nathan’s family began attending our services.Other times, I’d stare at him and look away as soon as he saw me.At church camp that summer, there was some minor drama: One of the girls in the eighth-grade cabin confessed that she liked Nathan, prompting everyone else in the cabin to share that they liked him, too.